Monday, May 17, 2010

weird skillz

@J-Def, i do the EXACT same thing lately. at first i was hyper-religious about getting the strings onto the ball sans delay, but now i'll walk around my yo-yo room (i have one) and step over like 8 discarded strings before i get to the cone. and then when it gets to be too unbearable (read: when my wife tells me to clean up), i have a little 15 minute ball party. i need to get better about that for sure. it feels more meaningful to me when done right away; like the difference between a proper funeral and a mass grave.

anyway... when i started this project with steve, i remember him saying excitedly 'and just think... in a year, we'll be like the only guys under 60 who can twist our own string in just a few seconds!' it's funny... you do get good at it. the first few times, it probably took me 5 minutes to make sure everything was in order and nothing was kinked or crazy. now, it takes me about 45 seconds.

it got me thinking about other obscure skills i've accumulated. i'm 33 years old, and i can...

• fold a japanese hakama with traditional knot
• snap-start into sidewinder (hi, steve).
• set up an upright bass.
• build and light a PERFECT charcoal pyramid
• boneless over a small child standing (or a fat child lying down).
• orient myself via the constellations.
• diagram the hell out of essentially any sentence.
• field-strip, clean, and polish a katana
• beat you in a triceratops drawing contest (but not in any other sort of drawing contest)
• peel an orange in one strip.
• hit BLAHBLAH on a no jive.
• change a nasty poopy diaper with 3 baby wipes or less.
• dislocate/relocate my left shoulder.
• properly apply/remove wax to/from a surfboard.
• reliably impale a pizza box with a knife from 10m.
• take ridiculously good care of hydrangeas.

and yet i canNOT:
• change my own oil or replace my brakes (tires, yes).
• beat super mario bros, sonic the hedgehog, or altered beast.
• clean/gut a fish.
• score under 100 in 18 holes of golf (actually... probably even in 9).
• run anywhere of my own volition without being actively pursued.
• land a frontside 180 kickflip (if it ends in flip i probably can't land it).
• tie a bow-tie.
• get my back lawn in order.
• correctly spell 'necessary' or 'commitment' without looking them up.
• do 2-handed punching bag (or honestly, even passable 1-handed).
• drive stick.
• seem to take a flattering photograph.

funny how the world carves you into an image you never expected or intended. somehow the latter list seems infinitely more useful.

BTW: these strings... do NOT do well in humidity.

BTW BTW: i'm going back to disney in like 3 weeks. YYYYYYEEEEEEAH.

1 comment: